It's Time To Talk #2

Hey Guys!

So I'm continuing my ITTTD (It's Time To Talk Day) interviews! We're on #2: Shalanda Moten; CEO Dating Violence Prevention Center! I had a great time interviewing Shalanda because she was extremely animated even while talking about something so distressing. Here's some background information on Shalanda:

Shalanda Moten is the CEO of The Dating Violence Prevention Center, a nonprofit organization located in Atlanta and Orlando that strives to prevent dating violence through community education. Her appointments include service to Liz Claiborne's Love Is Not Abuse Coalition, as the Florida State Action Leader. As an advocate for every woman's health and dignity, Shalanda empowers communities through her commitment to education, clinical research, and crisis support. The Dating Violence Prevention Center disburses educational materials and teaches the Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum (College Edition), which can be found on the Love Is Not Abuse website.

Shalanda explained to me that primary prevention is important because most kids and teenagers do not know how to distinguish the types of dating abuse (emotional, digital, physical, sexual, etc.) or even know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationships. What Shalanda and The Dating Violence Prevention Center do is teach the Love Is Not Abuse curriculum to middle school, high school, and college students. They teach them how to help themselves and how to help their friends. I asked her about the importance of teaching about dating violence to teenagers, and Shalanda actually stressed that it was younger than that age that is the most important. "It's the tweens, 11-13 year old age is the group that is probably the most at risk." This is due to the fact that this age group is most unaware of the dangers of abuse and its many different forms; for example, they don't quite understand that digital abuse exists and that it's not okay to send your partner 100 texts an hour asking where they are and who they're with. Shalanda explains further that because of this ignorance there is a lot more textual harrassment, digital stalking, and negative/embarrassing posts about the partner on Facebook, Twitter, and other means of technology. To counter this, Shalanda suggests we simply talk about abuse and start conversations; help the younger kids understand what abuse is and how it occurs and "this decreases the likelihood that they will end up in an abusive relationship,"

I asked Shalanda to tell me more about The Dating Violence Prevention Center and what type of work they do, and she shared with me the results of their work as well. As mentioned in her bio, Shalanda teaches the LINA curriculum for high school and college students, and they found their results showed that it "increases their knowledge and also decreases their acceptance attitudes toward dating violence" which is very good to hear! From my own experience in high school, kids believe they know everything they need to know about dating abuse, but when it actually comes down to learning about the cycle of violence, the forms of abuse, and the warning signs, they don't know as much as they thought. When people hear domestic violence, they only hear the word violence and assume it's always physical. What they don't see is that abuse can emotional, or sometimes the emotional abuse can be a precursor to physical abuse; Shalanda says, "You almost always can't have physical or sexual violence without there already have been verbal abuse," People don't see that abuse is a pattern, meaning it does not happen just once. "The cycle of abuse is happening over and over again with each time intensifying," The Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum just proves that it can increase their knowledge on a subject that so directly affects them, and that is a great start to prevention.

Shalanda shared her personal encounter with domestic violence when she was much younger and as heartbreaking it is to hear such a story, it is empowering to see how she took such a negative situation and became stronger because of it. She starts her story by telling me how it was her first dating relationship, and that she had very low self esteem. She clarified that she was a confident, smart, active girl, but despite that she just didn't quite think much of herself. She disclosed her insecurities to her boyfriend until it eventually backfired with his discouraging and demeaning comments. Eventually he even enrolled in the same classes as her and was constantly checking in with her, and she claims, "I had no place to breathe," Eventually this verbally abusive relationship turned physically and sexually abusive as well. She then describes to me the last time she was in that relationship:

"We were having an altercation, and he threw a glass at a wall. I just remember running as far as I could into a room. Then I just remember there was this hamper made out of wicker that he started hitting me with over and over. I was just sitting there helpless, crying and all I could do is pray. He eventually stopped and walked away, and the moment he did I was like 'I'm outta here' and I literally walked all the way from his house to my house which is about 30 minutes. I was wearing this light colored shirt covered in blood and not one person helped me. Because not one person helped me, that is why I do what I do. "

Shalanda says this experience is the reason she started working in abuse education and prevention. Shalanda truly proves that domestic violence may be detrimental at the time, but as a survivor you can always find your way back. Shalanda is living proof that domestic violence does not define who survivors are, but rather guides them to bettering their communities and society as a whole by standing up against what once wronged them. She is proof that we can help others from our own experiences. Shalanda is an inspiration to me, and I can't thank her enough for disclosing such a personal story with me. I now understand that it's not just about facing your own demons, but instead by speaking about it can provide a sense of hope, faith, and strength for others who's demons may still be present.

Shalanda stresses how important it is not to be a bystander, to extend a hand, and even just ask if someone is okay. Talk about abuse and start conversations. Don't stay silent and do not be the people that ignored Shalanda and her bloody shirt. Do not turn your head. Instead, stand up against abuse. Acknowledge that it's not okay and you will not accept it. Stand up like Shalanda does, strong and tall.

I want to say thank you to Shalanda again for a great interview, and for sharing her story with me. I hope it inspires all of you to help end abuse! Again, thank you to Love Is Not Abuse for the opportunity!

Stay tuned for ITTTD #3: Melissa Kaufman! Coming up in a few days! Do your part and stop the hurt.