Hey Everyone!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday! I sincerely apologize for not posting in so long, but I had finals and then had to readjust to being back at home! Now that I'm all settled in, and have a few moments to breathe I am dedicating my time back to the blog and continuing ITTTD! For those of you just jumping in, ITTTD (It's Time To Talk Day) is an annual event hosted by Love Is Not Abuse dedicated to talking about domestic abuse and raising awareness on this muffled issue. The third person I interviewed at It's Time To Talk Day was Melissa Kaufman, the Volunteer and Training Coordinator for the National Dating Abuse Helpline and loveisrespect.org.
Going along with the theme of the day, talking about abuse, I asked Melissa why it's important to talk about this issue. Her answer was simple and summed it all up: "Because it hurts." She went on to explain that people never really talk about abuse until it's physical abuse, and so much more happens in abusive relationships before they ever become physical or if they ever become physical. I couldn't agree more. Melissa stressed the importance of boundaries and knowing what a healthy relationship looks like. So, I asked her. What does a healthy relationship look like?
A healthy relationship is one with open communication, where neither partner is afraid to talk to the other about something they are feeling. One where it's okay to be a little jealous or insecure, but to never take it out on their partner. One where the partners talk about their feelings and come to a mutual agreement on how they each should be treated. One where they can trust and respect each other. One with equality.
An unhealthy relationship is one where there is clearly inequality; one partner has control, or feels superior to their partner. Unhealthy jealousy and possession that the abusive partner takes out on their other partner. And this doesn't have to be physical; they can emotionally hurt their partner by threatening to leave them if they continue talking to someone, yell or embarrass them in front of others, control who and when they talk to people, etc. Melissa explicates that "if you're in an abusive relationship, it totally destroys you. You lose self esteem and lose your sense of self. Nobody should ever have to go through that and be hurt by the one they love," For more information on healthy and unhealthy relationships, go to love is respect.
Love is Respect was developed by the National Dating Abuse Helpline and Break the Cycle collaboratively, and originally was helped funded by Liz Claiborne's Love Is Not Abuse 5 years ago. Their main goals are to develop healthy dating attitudes for young adolescents, provide a safe place for these teens to go to in order to talk about what's going on, and educate everyone about domestic abuse and its effects, and how to maintain healthy relationships. Anyone can contact them, too! And there are so many different ways to reach them: through phone call, through chat, and through text. Personally I think this is an amazing step because they have truly made it fully accessible for young teens. As a teen myself, I know I'd much rather text or chat my feelings than talk it out on the phone. With this newly installed application, Love is Respect has opened up and made a huge impact. Melissa informed me that they receive about 3000 contacts a month. Wow! So who's contacting them?
I asked Melissa if she ever gets calls from abusers themselves. She said absolutely and explains, "They know they're abusive, and maybe they've been in trouble with the law or they just get this feeling like 'Maybe I'm not treating my girlfriend or boyfriend right and I wanna know what I should be doing differently,' So we talk about what healthy relationships look like and how you should be treating your partner," Melissa believes that abusive behavior has been normalized from the media through reality television and other things, but also from ignoring it and not talking about it. If these dysfunctional relationships on television are all teens see growing up and are never told that it's not healthy, teens assume this is what love is and this is what relationships are like. This is why it is so important to talk about abuse and educate our peers and children. So I know that education is extremely important when talking about prevention, and I asked Melissa what kinds of educational tools she uses on the helpline. She told me that of course they direct the person to their website for more information, and also just talk to them about what types of boundaries should exist and emphasize what healthy looks like. When it comes to abusers, Melissa suggests that "if people that have the tendency to be abusive have any inkling of what kind of pain they could inflict on a person, they may choose not to do it," She goes on further to say that the more education people get, the less likely it will happen to them or someone they know and the more likely it is for them to seek help if it does happen.
Personally I was pleasantly surprised to hear that people who are abusive actually call in looking for ways to change and better their relationships. That's astounding! And again, the fact that Love is Respect has the chat or text options really allows for anyone to contact them openly and freely. This idea sprung up another question in me about digital abuse. Melissa replied that digital abuse is enormous and gave me a scenario: "A young teenager in high school is in a relationship. Their parents are asleep, and they have no idea their child is getting 100 texts an hour." She describes how digital abuse seems benign because it's hiding behind a wall, but she points out that it's not physical, and it may not be happening to your face, but it's still going to hurt.
I asked her what kind of advice she would give to parents about understanding digital abuse and when and how to intervene. Melissa rationalized that monitoring is okay to an extent; you do not want to push your kids away by over-monitoring and you also do not want to seem ignorant. By this, it means don't take your child's phone away if they're receiving a lot of text messages. Rather, ask them why they're receiving so many texts, and start a conversation right there about abuse. By taking away their phone, or over-monitoring, you will only push them further towards their abuser. Melissa suggests open communication and education. She believes that if teenagers are given the right information, then they are going to make the right choices. The Love is Respect website has a section specifically for friends and family, and they can call or chat for information and help as well as victims. Another important piece of advice Melissa gives is to be supportive. When you really care about a friend or family member, don't turn away. Educate yourself and educate them. You can really make a difference, just by talking.
Well again, I apologize for taking so long to finish my third ITTTD post, but I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed my interview! I want to thank Melissa Kaufman so much for taking the time to talk about this issue so personally important to me, and so profoundly important to everyone else. If you have any questions, or want to see more information about Love is Respect, go to their website: http://www.loveisrespect.org/ and strike up a chat!
STAY TUNED for my ITTTD #4!
I have misplaced my folder where all of my information is, and I believe I could have left it in Rhode Island when I left to go home unfortunately. If I find it, I will post right away! Thank you for all of your ongoing support and don't forget to do your part and stop the hurt!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
It's Time To Talk #2
Hey Guys!
So I'm continuing my ITTTD (It's Time To Talk Day) interviews! We're on #2: Shalanda Moten; CEO Dating Violence Prevention Center! I had a great time interviewing Shalanda because she was extremely animated even while talking about something so distressing. Here's some background information on Shalanda:
Shalanda Moten is the CEO of The Dating Violence Prevention Center, a nonprofit organization located in Atlanta and Orlando that strives to prevent dating violence through community education. Her appointments include service to Liz Claiborne's Love Is Not Abuse Coalition, as the Florida State Action Leader. As an advocate for every woman's health and dignity, Shalanda empowers communities through her commitment to education, clinical research, and crisis support. The Dating Violence Prevention Center disburses educational materials and teaches the Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum (College Edition), which can be found on the Love Is Not Abuse website.
Shalanda explained to me that primary prevention is important because most kids and teenagers do not know how to distinguish the types of dating abuse (emotional, digital, physical, sexual, etc.) or even know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationships. What Shalanda and The Dating Violence Prevention Center do is teach the Love Is Not Abuse curriculum to middle school, high school, and college students. They teach them how to help themselves and how to help their friends. I asked her about the importance of teaching about dating violence to teenagers, and Shalanda actually stressed that it was younger than that age that is the most important. "It's the tweens, 11-13 year old age is the group that is probably the most at risk." This is due to the fact that this age group is most unaware of the dangers of abuse and its many different forms; for example, they don't quite understand that digital abuse exists and that it's not okay to send your partner 100 texts an hour asking where they are and who they're with. Shalanda explains further that because of this ignorance there is a lot more textual harrassment, digital stalking, and negative/embarrassing posts about the partner on Facebook, Twitter, and other means of technology. To counter this, Shalanda suggests we simply talk about abuse and start conversations; help the younger kids understand what abuse is and how it occurs and "this decreases the likelihood that they will end up in an abusive relationship,"
I asked Shalanda to tell me more about The Dating Violence Prevention Center and what type of work they do, and she shared with me the results of their work as well. As mentioned in her bio, Shalanda teaches the LINA curriculum for high school and college students, and they found their results showed that it "increases their knowledge and also decreases their acceptance attitudes toward dating violence" which is very good to hear! From my own experience in high school, kids believe they know everything they need to know about dating abuse, but when it actually comes down to learning about the cycle of violence, the forms of abuse, and the warning signs, they don't know as much as they thought. When people hear domestic violence, they only hear the word violence and assume it's always physical. What they don't see is that abuse can emotional, or sometimes the emotional abuse can be a precursor to physical abuse; Shalanda says, "You almost always can't have physical or sexual violence without there already have been verbal abuse," People don't see that abuse is a pattern, meaning it does not happen just once. "The cycle of abuse is happening over and over again with each time intensifying," The Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum just proves that it can increase their knowledge on a subject that so directly affects them, and that is a great start to prevention.
Shalanda shared her personal encounter with domestic violence when she was much younger and as heartbreaking it is to hear such a story, it is empowering to see how she took such a negative situation and became stronger because of it. She starts her story by telling me how it was her first dating relationship, and that she had very low self esteem. She clarified that she was a confident, smart, active girl, but despite that she just didn't quite think much of herself. She disclosed her insecurities to her boyfriend until it eventually backfired with his discouraging and demeaning comments. Eventually he even enrolled in the same classes as her and was constantly checking in with her, and she claims, "I had no place to breathe," Eventually this verbally abusive relationship turned physically and sexually abusive as well. She then describes to me the last time she was in that relationship:
"We were having an altercation, and he threw a glass at a wall. I just remember running as far as I could into a room. Then I just remember there was this hamper made out of wicker that he started hitting me with over and over. I was just sitting there helpless, crying and all I could do is pray. He eventually stopped and walked away, and the moment he did I was like 'I'm outta here' and I literally walked all the way from his house to my house which is about 30 minutes. I was wearing this light colored shirt covered in blood and not one person helped me. Because not one person helped me, that is why I do what I do. "
Shalanda says this experience is the reason she started working in abuse education and prevention. Shalanda truly proves that domestic violence may be detrimental at the time, but as a survivor you can always find your way back. Shalanda is living proof that domestic violence does not define who survivors are, but rather guides them to bettering their communities and society as a whole by standing up against what once wronged them. She is proof that we can help others from our own experiences. Shalanda is an inspiration to me, and I can't thank her enough for disclosing such a personal story with me. I now understand that it's not just about facing your own demons, but instead by speaking about it can provide a sense of hope, faith, and strength for others who's demons may still be present.
Shalanda stresses how important it is not to be a bystander, to extend a hand, and even just ask if someone is okay. Talk about abuse and start conversations. Don't stay silent and do not be the people that ignored Shalanda and her bloody shirt. Do not turn your head. Instead, stand up against abuse. Acknowledge that it's not okay and you will not accept it. Stand up like Shalanda does, strong and tall.
I want to say thank you to Shalanda again for a great interview, and for sharing her story with me. I hope it inspires all of you to help end abuse! Again, thank you to Love Is Not Abuse for the opportunity!
Stay tuned for ITTTD #3: Melissa Kaufman! Coming up in a few days! Do your part and stop the hurt.
So I'm continuing my ITTTD (It's Time To Talk Day) interviews! We're on #2: Shalanda Moten; CEO Dating Violence Prevention Center! I had a great time interviewing Shalanda because she was extremely animated even while talking about something so distressing. Here's some background information on Shalanda:
Shalanda Moten is the CEO of The Dating Violence Prevention Center, a nonprofit organization located in Atlanta and Orlando that strives to prevent dating violence through community education. Her appointments include service to Liz Claiborne's Love Is Not Abuse Coalition, as the Florida State Action Leader. As an advocate for every woman's health and dignity, Shalanda empowers communities through her commitment to education, clinical research, and crisis support. The Dating Violence Prevention Center disburses educational materials and teaches the Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum (College Edition), which can be found on the Love Is Not Abuse website.
Shalanda explained to me that primary prevention is important because most kids and teenagers do not know how to distinguish the types of dating abuse (emotional, digital, physical, sexual, etc.) or even know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationships. What Shalanda and The Dating Violence Prevention Center do is teach the Love Is Not Abuse curriculum to middle school, high school, and college students. They teach them how to help themselves and how to help their friends. I asked her about the importance of teaching about dating violence to teenagers, and Shalanda actually stressed that it was younger than that age that is the most important. "It's the tweens, 11-13 year old age is the group that is probably the most at risk." This is due to the fact that this age group is most unaware of the dangers of abuse and its many different forms; for example, they don't quite understand that digital abuse exists and that it's not okay to send your partner 100 texts an hour asking where they are and who they're with. Shalanda explains further that because of this ignorance there is a lot more textual harrassment, digital stalking, and negative/embarrassing posts about the partner on Facebook, Twitter, and other means of technology. To counter this, Shalanda suggests we simply talk about abuse and start conversations; help the younger kids understand what abuse is and how it occurs and "this decreases the likelihood that they will end up in an abusive relationship,"
I asked Shalanda to tell me more about The Dating Violence Prevention Center and what type of work they do, and she shared with me the results of their work as well. As mentioned in her bio, Shalanda teaches the LINA curriculum for high school and college students, and they found their results showed that it "increases their knowledge and also decreases their acceptance attitudes toward dating violence" which is very good to hear! From my own experience in high school, kids believe they know everything they need to know about dating abuse, but when it actually comes down to learning about the cycle of violence, the forms of abuse, and the warning signs, they don't know as much as they thought. When people hear domestic violence, they only hear the word violence and assume it's always physical. What they don't see is that abuse can emotional, or sometimes the emotional abuse can be a precursor to physical abuse; Shalanda says, "You almost always can't have physical or sexual violence without there already have been verbal abuse," People don't see that abuse is a pattern, meaning it does not happen just once. "The cycle of abuse is happening over and over again with each time intensifying," The Love Is Not Abuse Curriculum just proves that it can increase their knowledge on a subject that so directly affects them, and that is a great start to prevention.
Shalanda shared her personal encounter with domestic violence when she was much younger and as heartbreaking it is to hear such a story, it is empowering to see how she took such a negative situation and became stronger because of it. She starts her story by telling me how it was her first dating relationship, and that she had very low self esteem. She clarified that she was a confident, smart, active girl, but despite that she just didn't quite think much of herself. She disclosed her insecurities to her boyfriend until it eventually backfired with his discouraging and demeaning comments. Eventually he even enrolled in the same classes as her and was constantly checking in with her, and she claims, "I had no place to breathe," Eventually this verbally abusive relationship turned physically and sexually abusive as well. She then describes to me the last time she was in that relationship:
"We were having an altercation, and he threw a glass at a wall. I just remember running as far as I could into a room. Then I just remember there was this hamper made out of wicker that he started hitting me with over and over. I was just sitting there helpless, crying and all I could do is pray. He eventually stopped and walked away, and the moment he did I was like 'I'm outta here' and I literally walked all the way from his house to my house which is about 30 minutes. I was wearing this light colored shirt covered in blood and not one person helped me. Because not one person helped me, that is why I do what I do. "
Shalanda says this experience is the reason she started working in abuse education and prevention. Shalanda truly proves that domestic violence may be detrimental at the time, but as a survivor you can always find your way back. Shalanda is living proof that domestic violence does not define who survivors are, but rather guides them to bettering their communities and society as a whole by standing up against what once wronged them. She is proof that we can help others from our own experiences. Shalanda is an inspiration to me, and I can't thank her enough for disclosing such a personal story with me. I now understand that it's not just about facing your own demons, but instead by speaking about it can provide a sense of hope, faith, and strength for others who's demons may still be present.
Shalanda stresses how important it is not to be a bystander, to extend a hand, and even just ask if someone is okay. Talk about abuse and start conversations. Don't stay silent and do not be the people that ignored Shalanda and her bloody shirt. Do not turn your head. Instead, stand up against abuse. Acknowledge that it's not okay and you will not accept it. Stand up like Shalanda does, strong and tall.
I want to say thank you to Shalanda again for a great interview, and for sharing her story with me. I hope it inspires all of you to help end abuse! Again, thank you to Love Is Not Abuse for the opportunity!
Stay tuned for ITTTD #3: Melissa Kaufman! Coming up in a few days! Do your part and stop the hurt.
Friday, December 9, 2011
It's Time To Talk #1
Hello Everyone! Happy weekend!
If you follow my twitter account, then you probably already know that I was extremely fortunate enough to attend this year's It's Time To Talk Day (ITTTD) hosted by Love Is Not Abuse! I was unbelievably excited for this event and it exceeded my expectations by far. I was lucky enough to interview inspiring and powerful leaders in the field of abuse prevention, and I even had an interview of my own from MTV's Act blog. All in all, I'd say it will most definitely be put on my Top 10 Best Days of My Life list.
With swelled feet and tired eyes, I ended my day excitedly coming back to my blog to start talking about my wonderful experience with these incredible people. I interviewed ten amazingly influential people, and I'm going to dedicate a blog to each person.
So to start, my first interviewee was Rachel Friedman, the director of Foundation & Government Grants of Men Can Stop Rape. Some background info:
Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes young men to be strong without being violent. Rachel has been fundraising for the organization for the past 3 years. Men Can Stop Rape has worked with Liz Claiborne since 2007; Liz Claiborne actually funded the initial expansion of their Men of Strength Club, aka "MOST" into NYC.
I asked Rachel to introduce herself to me, and she explained that she was basically raised in a feminist home; she has made a lifelong commitment to women's safety and services, and her work at Men Can Stop Rape has been a great experience. I always wonder how people stumble into such an emotionally disturbing career such as domestic abuse or sexual assault prevention and education. Rachel explained to me that a friend of hers at the mere innocent age of 14 was horrifically gang-raped. She claims, "It was so overwhelming, and I remember when she told me I almost couldn't believe it," and admits this event absolutely geared her towards this line of work. This event was a true eye-opener for her because it made sexual assault real; it showed her that it can really happen to anyone. However, Rachel sheds some light on the fact that most men do not perpetrate violence. She explains that our society has accepted norms of violence that affects all of us, including the perpetrators. In order to reduce violence, we need to change the culture of it. Rachel claims, "If men are engaged in positive and healthy relationships and they have healthy role models, that it will be a benefit to them and a benefit to all of us,"
I asked Rachel what she thought of regarding prevention, and she agreed we do not want to wait until someone has been assaulted before we have to do something about it. Primary prevention is when you stop something from happening before it happens. This is extremely challenging, but Men Can Stop Rape has steps to approach this method. Rachel described their clientele to me as young men that represent all communities. Their first step towards prevention is conveying an image of a healthy sense of self and masculinity. By determining what is healthy for men to view themselves as, they can take their own steps on becoming a better person as a whole. The next step is to introduce bystander intervention, which is to step in and stop a situation that's happening without putting yourself in harm's way. Rachel points out that "a lot of men dont agree with violence, but they dont know what to do when they see these things because nobody ever taught them," so this is why bystander intervention is necessary. Respect is learned, and it is a skill we all must acquire and maintain. Sometimes men do not realize what they do is offensive, so they must learn what is appropriate.
A specific piece to helping these men find their boundaries and values is introducing them to the dominance and counter stories. The dominance stories are ideas fed to men from society and the media regarding masculine stereotypes such as being tough, don't cry, men want sex all the time, men are straight, men are strong, it's okay to be violent, women are objects, etc. Rachel illustrates that the dominance story "puts men in a box that is very small and hard to break out of because it's limiting, and there is not a lot of emphasis put on humanity and empathy," This is where the counter story comes in: the counter story is everything the man personally possesses that is in contrast to the dominance story. For example they love to cook, they know how to do their sister's hair, they like ballet, etc. The counter story authenticates who that individual is and highlights their strengths and good qualities. Rachel demonstrates how this personalizes the issue for the men; they see how it relates to themselves and how they can become better people because of it.
The final step is getting the word out. Rachel talked to me about the MOST club (Men of Strength) that was started in Washington D.C., and is now in 12 states in over 100 locations. It is a club that men attend voluntarily and work together to find their values about women and themselves. It started as a high school program, but when the members graduated from high school they decided to bring it to their colleges. This is an extraordinary step to prevention because it allows the healthy messages to spread directly from the people it represents! Rachel exclaims, "there is a lot of courage and a lot of strength in standing up for what you believe in," and I couldn't have said it better myself.
Here is the link to their page: Men Can Stop Rape
A HUGE thanks to Rachel Friedman for her time and information! And of course a huge thanks to Love Is Not Abuse for ITTTD!
Stay tuned for my next blogs about the other incredible interviews! And never forget to do your part and stop the hurt.
If you follow my twitter account, then you probably already know that I was extremely fortunate enough to attend this year's It's Time To Talk Day (ITTTD) hosted by Love Is Not Abuse! I was unbelievably excited for this event and it exceeded my expectations by far. I was lucky enough to interview inspiring and powerful leaders in the field of abuse prevention, and I even had an interview of my own from MTV's Act blog. All in all, I'd say it will most definitely be put on my Top 10 Best Days of My Life list.
With swelled feet and tired eyes, I ended my day excitedly coming back to my blog to start talking about my wonderful experience with these incredible people. I interviewed ten amazingly influential people, and I'm going to dedicate a blog to each person.
So to start, my first interviewee was Rachel Friedman, the director of Foundation & Government Grants of Men Can Stop Rape. Some background info:
Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes young men to be strong without being violent. Rachel has been fundraising for the organization for the past 3 years. Men Can Stop Rape has worked with Liz Claiborne since 2007; Liz Claiborne actually funded the initial expansion of their Men of Strength Club, aka "MOST" into NYC.
I asked Rachel to introduce herself to me, and she explained that she was basically raised in a feminist home; she has made a lifelong commitment to women's safety and services, and her work at Men Can Stop Rape has been a great experience. I always wonder how people stumble into such an emotionally disturbing career such as domestic abuse or sexual assault prevention and education. Rachel explained to me that a friend of hers at the mere innocent age of 14 was horrifically gang-raped. She claims, "It was so overwhelming, and I remember when she told me I almost couldn't believe it," and admits this event absolutely geared her towards this line of work. This event was a true eye-opener for her because it made sexual assault real; it showed her that it can really happen to anyone. However, Rachel sheds some light on the fact that most men do not perpetrate violence. She explains that our society has accepted norms of violence that affects all of us, including the perpetrators. In order to reduce violence, we need to change the culture of it. Rachel claims, "If men are engaged in positive and healthy relationships and they have healthy role models, that it will be a benefit to them and a benefit to all of us,"
I asked Rachel what she thought of regarding prevention, and she agreed we do not want to wait until someone has been assaulted before we have to do something about it. Primary prevention is when you stop something from happening before it happens. This is extremely challenging, but Men Can Stop Rape has steps to approach this method. Rachel described their clientele to me as young men that represent all communities. Their first step towards prevention is conveying an image of a healthy sense of self and masculinity. By determining what is healthy for men to view themselves as, they can take their own steps on becoming a better person as a whole. The next step is to introduce bystander intervention, which is to step in and stop a situation that's happening without putting yourself in harm's way. Rachel points out that "a lot of men dont agree with violence, but they dont know what to do when they see these things because nobody ever taught them," so this is why bystander intervention is necessary. Respect is learned, and it is a skill we all must acquire and maintain. Sometimes men do not realize what they do is offensive, so they must learn what is appropriate.
A specific piece to helping these men find their boundaries and values is introducing them to the dominance and counter stories. The dominance stories are ideas fed to men from society and the media regarding masculine stereotypes such as being tough, don't cry, men want sex all the time, men are straight, men are strong, it's okay to be violent, women are objects, etc. Rachel illustrates that the dominance story "puts men in a box that is very small and hard to break out of because it's limiting, and there is not a lot of emphasis put on humanity and empathy," This is where the counter story comes in: the counter story is everything the man personally possesses that is in contrast to the dominance story. For example they love to cook, they know how to do their sister's hair, they like ballet, etc. The counter story authenticates who that individual is and highlights their strengths and good qualities. Rachel demonstrates how this personalizes the issue for the men; they see how it relates to themselves and how they can become better people because of it.
The final step is getting the word out. Rachel talked to me about the MOST club (Men of Strength) that was started in Washington D.C., and is now in 12 states in over 100 locations. It is a club that men attend voluntarily and work together to find their values about women and themselves. It started as a high school program, but when the members graduated from high school they decided to bring it to their colleges. This is an extraordinary step to prevention because it allows the healthy messages to spread directly from the people it represents! Rachel exclaims, "there is a lot of courage and a lot of strength in standing up for what you believe in," and I couldn't have said it better myself.
Here is the link to their page: Men Can Stop Rape
A HUGE thanks to Rachel Friedman for her time and information! And of course a huge thanks to Love Is Not Abuse for ITTTD!
Stay tuned for my next blogs about the other incredible interviews! And never forget to do your part and stop the hurt.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
See With Your Heart
Hi everybody! I woke up this morning feeling very optimistic and cheerful. Yes, it's Sunday. Yes, the semester is almost over. Yes, I had a dove bar for breakfast. But the point is I love when I get epiphanies in the morning because they last the whole day! Today I titled the post "See With Your Heart". This post is going to be dedicated to every victim who either didn't survive, or whose voice has never been heard.
We see domestic violence in the news, and we know it exists all around us. By now you've probably seen it more than you'd hoped. No matter what age, gender, personality, economic status, lifestyle, or whoever they are, victims go through their own unique experience. They fight a battle that no one other person can fully understand. They fight that battle every day, and for some the battles end tragically. But that does not make them any less of a fighter. We can sympathize, but we will never know exactly what they went through. All we can do is extend our care and support. Those victims live with their scars, whether they be physical or mental, and we have no right to deny them.
When you are walking around your town, do you smile at the people passing you by? Do you wave at people you know despite what mood you're in or what kind of day you are having? Do you hold the door open for someone walking behind you? Do you help someone who looks like they're having trouble with something? Do you reach out your hand because you know you can? I know we are entitled to put our own needs first, but if those needs are met then why can't we extend our help to others? We have the ability to do that, and there's no reason we shouldn't. Our help can save someone's life.
I once heard a story about a depressed person who wrote a suicide note before jumping off a bridge. The note said, "If just one person smiles at me as I walk down the bridge, then I will not jump."
No one smiled. Not one person smiled at that person. Our small and seemingly insignificant gestures could actually mean everything to a person. We do not know just by looking at someone what kind of battle they are fighting, but everyone is fighting one of their own. I'm not asking you to save the world. All I ask is to think before you act. See with your heart instead of your eyes. Know that every person walking by you is fighting their own unique battle, and that a smile can go a long way. Understand their pain as if it is your own, and reach out to them by whatever means. Whether it be a smile, holding the door, getting a coffee with them, or just simply talking to them. Instead of ignoring the bruises, or ignoring the incessant calls, talk to your friend and see what's going on. No conversation is not worth having due to potential awkwardness or discomfort. Talk to them. Break the silence and talk about abuse. Too many victims battle every day and their voices are silenced. Too many victims are permanently silenced from their abusers. Too many victims feel alone and helpless. Too many victims are not being saved.
It is not our job to end ALL abuse, but we can work on it by talking about it. Start conversations. Do not sit idly by and pretend it doesn't exist. Do not wait for your friend to talk to you first. Start talking! Start talking to your friends. Talk to your family. Talk to your peers. Talk to your schools. Talk to your states. Raise your voice for those who cannot, and let them know that you care and that they are not alone. We dedicate so much of our time to ourselves, so why not take one day out of our lives to talk about abuse?
The Love Is Not Abuse campaign is hosting their annual "It's Time To Talk Day" (ITTTD) on December 8th. Here's the link- Check it out!! I am fortunate enough to attend it this year and interview some amazing people who work in this field of abuse prevention. I will be tweeting about it, and posting more about it here. I am beyond excited (I literally can't even express it- these people are my idols), and I can't wait to share it all with you! Please take the time that day and any day to talk about abuse. You never know who it can help. Do your part, and stop the hurt. Thank you!
We see domestic violence in the news, and we know it exists all around us. By now you've probably seen it more than you'd hoped. No matter what age, gender, personality, economic status, lifestyle, or whoever they are, victims go through their own unique experience. They fight a battle that no one other person can fully understand. They fight that battle every day, and for some the battles end tragically. But that does not make them any less of a fighter. We can sympathize, but we will never know exactly what they went through. All we can do is extend our care and support. Those victims live with their scars, whether they be physical or mental, and we have no right to deny them.
When you are walking around your town, do you smile at the people passing you by? Do you wave at people you know despite what mood you're in or what kind of day you are having? Do you hold the door open for someone walking behind you? Do you help someone who looks like they're having trouble with something? Do you reach out your hand because you know you can? I know we are entitled to put our own needs first, but if those needs are met then why can't we extend our help to others? We have the ability to do that, and there's no reason we shouldn't. Our help can save someone's life.
I once heard a story about a depressed person who wrote a suicide note before jumping off a bridge. The note said, "If just one person smiles at me as I walk down the bridge, then I will not jump."
No one smiled. Not one person smiled at that person. Our small and seemingly insignificant gestures could actually mean everything to a person. We do not know just by looking at someone what kind of battle they are fighting, but everyone is fighting one of their own. I'm not asking you to save the world. All I ask is to think before you act. See with your heart instead of your eyes. Know that every person walking by you is fighting their own unique battle, and that a smile can go a long way. Understand their pain as if it is your own, and reach out to them by whatever means. Whether it be a smile, holding the door, getting a coffee with them, or just simply talking to them. Instead of ignoring the bruises, or ignoring the incessant calls, talk to your friend and see what's going on. No conversation is not worth having due to potential awkwardness or discomfort. Talk to them. Break the silence and talk about abuse. Too many victims battle every day and their voices are silenced. Too many victims are permanently silenced from their abusers. Too many victims feel alone and helpless. Too many victims are not being saved.
It is not our job to end ALL abuse, but we can work on it by talking about it. Start conversations. Do not sit idly by and pretend it doesn't exist. Do not wait for your friend to talk to you first. Start talking! Start talking to your friends. Talk to your family. Talk to your peers. Talk to your schools. Talk to your states. Raise your voice for those who cannot, and let them know that you care and that they are not alone. We dedicate so much of our time to ourselves, so why not take one day out of our lives to talk about abuse?
The Love Is Not Abuse campaign is hosting their annual "It's Time To Talk Day" (ITTTD) on December 8th. Here's the link- Check it out!! I am fortunate enough to attend it this year and interview some amazing people who work in this field of abuse prevention. I will be tweeting about it, and posting more about it here. I am beyond excited (I literally can't even express it- these people are my idols), and I can't wait to share it all with you! Please take the time that day and any day to talk about abuse. You never know who it can help. Do your part, and stop the hurt. Thank you!
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