It's Time To Talk #1

Hello Everyone! Happy weekend!

If you follow my twitter account, then you probably already know that I was extremely fortunate enough to attend this year's It's Time To Talk Day (ITTTD) hosted by Love Is Not Abuse! I was unbelievably excited for this event and it exceeded my expectations by far. I was lucky enough to interview inspiring and powerful leaders in the field of abuse prevention, and I even had an interview of my own from MTV's Act blog. All in all, I'd say it will most definitely be put on my Top 10 Best Days of My Life list.

With swelled feet and tired eyes, I ended my day excitedly coming back to my blog to start talking about my wonderful experience with these incredible people. I interviewed ten amazingly influential people, and I'm going to dedicate a blog to each person.

So to start, my first interviewee was Rachel Friedman, the director of Foundation & Government Grants of Men Can Stop Rape. Some background info:

Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes young men to be strong without being violent. Rachel has been fundraising for the organization for the past 3 years. Men Can Stop Rape has worked with Liz Claiborne since 2007; Liz Claiborne actually funded the initial expansion of their Men of Strength Club, aka "MOST" into NYC.

I asked Rachel to introduce herself to me, and she explained that she was basically raised in a feminist home; she has made a lifelong commitment to women's safety and services, and her work at Men Can Stop Rape has been a great experience. I always wonder how people stumble into such an emotionally disturbing career such as domestic abuse or sexual assault prevention and education. Rachel explained to me that a friend of hers at the mere innocent age of 14 was horrifically gang-raped. She claims, "It was so overwhelming, and I remember when she told me I almost couldn't believe it," and admits this event absolutely geared her towards this line of work. This event was a true eye-opener for her because it made sexual assault real; it showed her that it can really happen to anyone. However, Rachel sheds some light on the fact that most men do not perpetrate violence. She explains that our society has accepted norms of violence that affects all of us, including the perpetrators. In order to reduce violence, we need to change the culture of it. Rachel claims, "If men are engaged in positive and healthy relationships and they have healthy role models, that it will be a benefit to them and a benefit to all of us,"

I asked Rachel what she thought of regarding prevention, and she agreed we do not want to wait until someone has been assaulted before we have to do something about it. Primary prevention is when you stop something from happening before it happens. This is extremely challenging, but Men Can Stop Rape has steps to approach this method. Rachel described their clientele to me as young men that represent all communities. Their first step towards prevention is conveying an image of a healthy sense of self and masculinity. By determining what is healthy for men to view themselves as, they can take their own steps on becoming a better person as a whole. The next step is to introduce bystander intervention, which is to step in and stop a situation that's happening without putting yourself in harm's way. Rachel points out that "a lot of men dont agree with violence, but they dont know what to do when they see these things because nobody ever taught them," so this is why bystander intervention is necessary. Respect is learned, and it is a skill we all must acquire and maintain. Sometimes men do not realize what they do is offensive, so they must learn what is appropriate.

A specific piece to helping these men find their boundaries and values is introducing them to the dominance and counter stories. The dominance stories are ideas fed to men from society and the media regarding masculine stereotypes such as being tough, don't cry, men want sex all the time, men are straight, men are strong, it's okay to be violent, women are objects, etc. Rachel illustrates that the dominance story "puts men in a box that is very small and hard to break out of because it's limiting, and there is not a lot of emphasis put on humanity and empathy," This is where the counter story comes in: the counter story is everything the man personally possesses that is in contrast to the dominance story. For example they love to cook, they know how to do their sister's hair, they like ballet, etc. The counter story authenticates who that individual is and highlights their strengths and good qualities. Rachel demonstrates how this personalizes the issue for the men; they see how it relates to themselves and how they can become better people because of it.

The final step is getting the word out. Rachel talked to me about the MOST club (Men of Strength) that was started in Washington D.C., and is now in 12 states in over 100 locations. It is a club that men attend voluntarily and work together to find their values about women and themselves. It started as a high school program, but when the members graduated from high school they decided to bring it to their colleges. This is an extraordinary step to prevention because it allows the healthy messages to spread directly from the people it represents! Rachel exclaims, "there is a lot of courage and a lot of strength in standing up for what you believe in," and I couldn't have said it better myself.

Here is the link to their page: Men Can Stop Rape

A HUGE thanks to Rachel Friedman for her time and information! And of course a huge thanks to Love Is Not Abuse for ITTTD!


Stay tuned for my next blogs about the other incredible interviews! And never forget to do your part and stop the hurt.