It's Time To Talk Day #6

Hi Everyone! Forging ahead with the It's Time To Talk Day posts, we move on to a story about a woman raised into an abusive household. Julie Boak, a recent Ohio State graduate, is associated with the Ohio organization, CADV, and testified before the Ohio Legislature helping to pass HV19, the "Tine Croucher Act" which mandates dating violence education in grades 7-12. Julie also assisted with some of the groundwork for the creation of the Love Is Not Abuse iPhone application. The application is a free, educational tool that can be found in the iTunes store under "LINA". Julie's personal story, the nightmare of an abusive father and a court system that enabled the abuse throughout her childhood, is currently being used in her home state to educate attorneys, guardian ad litems, and other court officials on the lifelong devastating effects of domestic violence and children.

Julie Boak briefly shared her heartbreaking personal story of how she was born into an abusive household. She explained that her father was the abusive one, and since her mother had the opportunity to leave the relationship, "he abused [her and her older sister] in every way possible, and the courts never listened to it and never protected [them]," Feeling defeated and frustrated, Julie took this horrible experience to people who would finally listen. She collaborated with Citizens Against Domestic Violence in Ohio to mandate that every school teach their students about domestic violence. The tragic story of the daughter of the Croucher's lead to the law being named in honor of her. Tina Croucher was murdered by her ex-boyfriend after they had already broken up. Another innocent life was lost due to this completely preventable issue.

Thankfully, we still have Julie around. "The only way I feel I am here today is because I had a great support system who taught me right from wrong, how to survive the abuse, and the warning signs," Growing up in such a horrific way, Julie took her negative experience and turned it around completely. She has avoided abusive dating relationships her whole life, and continues to service her friends and peers when they find themselves in abusive relationships. She has given so much back to her community and it is all because she wants no one else to ever feel the pain she felt. She says she has a double perspective on abuse since she lived through it, but also works with educating herself and others on the issue. An important piece to note, according to Julie, is that kids are in school every day. This is the environment where they should be learning the most about dating abuse. This is why she worked so hard to help mandate domestic violence education in Ohio. I couldn't agree more that education works, and should be mandatory everywhere.

Julie firmly believes that education makes a difference, and she believes her education is the reason she has successfully avoided being in an abusive dating relationship. She admits that she has witnessed many of her friends in and out of abusive relationships themselves, and worries about our generation's use of technology. Technology makes it much easier to stalk people in ways that seem so innocent but are so clearly not. Technology also allows for easy access and easy control over one's partner, and adds to the danger of an abusive relationship. She stresses that our generation needs to speak up more about abuse because it directly affects us all. Julie says that no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it may be to talk about this issue, it could save lives.

Julie's best advice for everyone out there is to talk to your friends and your family. Be aware of what's going on and don't ignore it. Learn the warning signs and learn how to safely help out your friends and family members. She says it is extremely important to keep your individualism in your dating relationships because you can easily get sucked into a relationship and lose yourself. Julie suggests you have "date nights and friend nights" where you split up your time with your significant other. This allows for freedom, individualism, and most importantly trust. In an abusive relationship, the red flags are mainly little changes other than the obvious ones, such as: texting/calling excessively, changing one's appearance to suit their partner, being afraid to express oneself to one's partner, tip-toeing around their partner, losing interest in hobbies they once loved, etc. Julie has been educated enough to see abuse when it occurs, but she has also been strong enough to walk away if she's seen it in her own life. But she has hope for everyone: "I think everyone has innate strength in them that they can tap into" whether that strength allows them to walk away from a potentially abusive relationship, or to reach out to someone in one. Most importantly, Julie says loving yourself comes first! "You have to love yourself first before you love anybody else, and you can't lose sight of that,"

Julie shows the importance of fighting for your voice to be heard. When the courts turned away from her and her family, she didn't give up and let the abuse take over her life forever. Instead, she fought for her justice and the justice of others. I asked her where she would like to see herself in five years. She joked she wants to be the first female president, but in reality she said "I want to see change, and I would like to be a ripple effect in that change," Well, Julie, I think you should go after that dream of being our first female president because you could really change people's lives for the better!

I want to thank Julie Boak so much for taking the time to share her story with me.

Stay tuned for ITTTD #7! 3 more interviews to blog about, and then back to my regular posts! I hope you have been enjoying these as much as I have! Stay safe everyone, and do your part and stop the hurt!

ALSO, for those of you who follow me on twitter (@Cara_Mackler) and/or follow my blog's twitter (@Stop_TheHurt), JOIN THE CONVERSATION on Mondays 1/16-26 from 4-5pm and tell @Love_IsNotAbuse and @seventeenmag #whatlovemeans to you! I will be keeping the conversation going, so please join me! Thank you!