Too often we hear sexist jokes, or jokes about wife-beating and abuse. Why do people laugh? What's so funny about someone getting abused or raped? Nothing.
We need to stand up and say that we will not accept this behavior anymore. We cannot stay silent when someone makes a joke about beating or raping someone. It is our responsibility to say something and stop this from being deemed socially acceptable. By doing or saying nothing in reaction, we are encouraging this sexism and adding to the problem.
A couple weeks ago I overheard a group of students talking and sharing jokes they made up. I heard one guy say, "What's black and blue and hates sex?" as a riddle. He then replied for the punch line: "a rape victim." The group laughed, both boys and girls. I was absolutely appalled. I shouted out "HEY! Did I just hear you say a joke about rape?" and, embarrassed, he shook his head and said no. His friends looked embarrassed, too. I said, "Well that's nothing to joke about. Being raped is not funny," and stopped myself from going on too long of a tangent. A girl in the group apologized looking awfully ashamed. The rest of the group stayed silent. I walked away that day fuming mad and baffled as to how someone could make up such an idiotic joke, and then have his friends actually laugh at it and think it was funny.
It is not okay that we laugh. It is not okay that we ignore it. Maybe after I walked away that day, they shrugged their shoulders and forgot about it. Or maybe they silently thought to themselves about the consequences of their words. Maybe next time they're tempted to say a joke about rape, or laugh at a joke about rape, they will pause and realize the impact of their behaviors. Just maybe. But maybe is a start. Maybe is a ripple in the long term wave.
By laughing or ignoring the issue, we are normalizing the rape culture we live in. What is "rape culture"? Rape culture is where people get their definitions, ideas, and opinions about rape. They get these from the media, laws, language, and imagery of rape. The rape culture is defined by the people who participate in it; through one's language and attitudes, jokes, TV or movies, etc. Rape is portrayed much differently than the true facts about it. Often people have the attitude that, "it's just the way it is" which normalizes it. Another similar saying is, "boys will be boys". These sayings and attitudes perpetuate the very violence and gender inequalities that exist in our society. We have to stop accepting that these are "norms" we must live with. They aren't, and shouldn't be. We can change these norms and this culture and stop the violence.
We can start small. Plant the seed. Start by saying we will not tolerate jokes. This may not end them, but it will put these jokes and the jokesters in the spotlight. By shining the light on the inappropriateness, insensitivity, sexist, and inhumane nature of these jokes, we are starting the wave. We can encourage bystanders and speak up and say "that's not cool". One person can turn into three. Three into a hundred. Ripples into waves. Be a ripple. Make a difference.
Do your part and stop the hurt.
Cara Mackler
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Stop the Hurt Expanding!
Hi everyone! Stop the Hurt has been 100% about dating abuse, but I want to expand. If you haven't yet heard of NO MORE, it is a new campaign symbol to raise awareness about dating abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence. You can learn more about it from Love Is Not Abuse or loveisrespect.org. There is so much to talk about sexual violence, and today will just be an overview of all of the topics I plan to discuss.
Sexual assault and rape are very serious and prevalent issues in our society today. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime, and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted in his lifetime. Not only can it happen within abusive relationships, but it happens 87% of the time with someone the victim knows! This fact startles many because of what the media tells us. This is just one of the many topics about sexual assault that I will talk about. I will discuss where it happens, who it happens with, its relationship with alcohol, date rape, date rape drugs, victim-blaming, rape culture, effects of victims, the law and responses in law, sexual harassment, sexual assault within abusive relationships, and more.
My next post will define what sexual assault is and most likely go over some key statistics that may shock you! I will go over the basics of sexual assault and rape, and mainly what consent means. I will talk about how college students are responding to sexual assault on campus as well.
Please feel free to share any topics you would like me to discuss about sexual violence or dating abuse! Share here, or on the Facebook page.
As you can see, the posts here will be much shorter in length depending on the subject. Always feel free to leave comments! And please share this blog and the Facebook page with friends and family- you never know who will need it!
Do your part and stop the hurt.
Sexual assault and rape are very serious and prevalent issues in our society today. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime, and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted in his lifetime. Not only can it happen within abusive relationships, but it happens 87% of the time with someone the victim knows! This fact startles many because of what the media tells us. This is just one of the many topics about sexual assault that I will talk about. I will discuss where it happens, who it happens with, its relationship with alcohol, date rape, date rape drugs, victim-blaming, rape culture, effects of victims, the law and responses in law, sexual harassment, sexual assault within abusive relationships, and more.
My next post will define what sexual assault is and most likely go over some key statistics that may shock you! I will go over the basics of sexual assault and rape, and mainly what consent means. I will talk about how college students are responding to sexual assault on campus as well.
Please feel free to share any topics you would like me to discuss about sexual violence or dating abuse! Share here, or on the Facebook page.
As you can see, the posts here will be much shorter in length depending on the subject. Always feel free to leave comments! And please share this blog and the Facebook page with friends and family- you never know who will need it!
Do your part and stop the hurt.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Long time no blog! Hello to all of my supporters and viewers, and welcome to the new ones. My blog has been quite dormant for a few months due to work on promoting Stop The Hurt's Facebook page. Despite any excuses, I am going to start up again! Awareness and education is key. I must do MY part to stop the hurt.
Teen Dating Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month is coming to an end. I find it imperative that I make a final note before the end of the month.
Teen dating abuse can happen to anyone and is often overlooked, especially if it isn't physical. But overlooking the abuse does not make it go away. I can tell you all about the warning signs and how to help a friend, but something that we've been really discussing in the Peer Advocate office is the bystander effect. I will write in length about this another time when I can do my full amount of research, but it is too important to ignore.
Too often we ignore signs or say it is not our job to get involved; it's "their" business. It is especially hard when someone we know is experiencing abuse. We want to say that they're too smart to get into an abusive relationship. We want to say that it would never happen to them. These are excuses we create based off of our "just world phenomenon". We want to believe that we can protect ourselves from abuse, when in reality it is not an individual problem- it is a societal problem. It is OUR problem. Make it your problem, and make it your job. You don't have to, and shouldn't expect to, save or rescue anyone. But this does not mean you can sit back and let others take the reins. Be a leader. Step in. Ask questions. Be a friend.
If you are a URI student or a Rhode Island resident, please come to see The Vagina Monologues this weekend! It is at Edwards Auditorium; doors open at 7:30pm and the show starts at 8:00pm. It is showing Thursday the 28th, Friday the 1st, and Saturday the 2nd. All of the proceeds go to the URI Violence Prevention & Advocacy Program! Thank you for your support and I hope to see you there!
DO YOUR PART AND STOP THE HURT.
Happy TDVAPM! :)
Teen Dating Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month is coming to an end. I find it imperative that I make a final note before the end of the month.
Teen dating abuse can happen to anyone and is often overlooked, especially if it isn't physical. But overlooking the abuse does not make it go away. I can tell you all about the warning signs and how to help a friend, but something that we've been really discussing in the Peer Advocate office is the bystander effect. I will write in length about this another time when I can do my full amount of research, but it is too important to ignore.
Too often we ignore signs or say it is not our job to get involved; it's "their" business. It is especially hard when someone we know is experiencing abuse. We want to say that they're too smart to get into an abusive relationship. We want to say that it would never happen to them. These are excuses we create based off of our "just world phenomenon". We want to believe that we can protect ourselves from abuse, when in reality it is not an individual problem- it is a societal problem. It is OUR problem. Make it your problem, and make it your job. You don't have to, and shouldn't expect to, save or rescue anyone. But this does not mean you can sit back and let others take the reins. Be a leader. Step in. Ask questions. Be a friend.
If you are a URI student or a Rhode Island resident, please come to see The Vagina Monologues this weekend! It is at Edwards Auditorium; doors open at 7:30pm and the show starts at 8:00pm. It is showing Thursday the 28th, Friday the 1st, and Saturday the 2nd. All of the proceeds go to the URI Violence Prevention & Advocacy Program! Thank you for your support and I hope to see you there!
DO YOUR PART AND STOP THE HURT.
Happy TDVAPM! :)
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