My last post was about prevention through education for people who may know victims of abuse. If you're looking for more information about that, check out the Love is Not Abuse campaign. They are an incredible organization that does a lot of work in prevention for high school and college students. Truly incredible work. Just go to loveisnotabuse.com !
Today's post will be about how to help prevent future victims. I know this concept seems like a long shot, but I have theories that may help. I have done some research on my own as well as being a trained peer advocate, but as I've mentioned before prevention is very difficult to prove. However, I will address it for as long as it's still happening.
Just like for people who know victims, education is key. No victim ever asks for what happens to them, and there is no simple way to detect who is more likely to be a victim. Victims are any age, race, ethnicity, gender, social or economic class, etc. So it can happen to anyone. Not only is this scary, but it's also very hard to narrow down. However, if we look at the abuse that occurs, it is easier to address.
Abuse is: demeaning, intimidation, power, control, meanness, irrational, manipulation, calculated.
Typically an abuser will make their partner feel like they need them in order to be happy, or successful. They will typically make them feel worthless, or weak, without them. Abusers will use emotional tactics to maintain control or power and/or physical tactics to enforce their power. Abusers make their partner feel inferior.
So, what do we address? My personal belief is that abusers deteriorate their victim's self-esteem. They do this by the examples above. So, I believe if we teach youth how to maintain a healthier self-image, then they will be less likely to tolerate abuse. If we teach youth more self-respect and self-love, they will be less likely to tolerate their partner disrespecting them. This is not by any means suggesting that the victim "allows" abuse to happen, but rather allows them a sense of self-control. We have to teach youth to understand that no one has the right to control them. The reason I posted about bullying is because bullies are strongly correlated to abusers. If we teach kids at a young age that bullying is not okay, then they may see the pattern as they get older that abuse is not okay either. I believe we need to show kids that respect needs to be mutual, and that no one has the right to disregard that. Self-love is not narcissism. It is simply respecting oneself, prioritizing one's happiness and well-being, and gaining acceptance of their individualism. If we encourage kids to love themselves, they will learn to respectfully care for others. Self-love develops self-worth, which is exactly what an abusive partner attacks. We must help kids maintain their self-worth and never let someone try to break it down. Self-love and self-worth are more powerful than any abuse.
Another way to help prevent abuse is to encourage more community-based mindsets. Silence is the killer. Ignorance is the killer. Indifference is the killer. If we, as a society, stand up against abuse and acknowledge that it is unacceptable, then we are changing the way we, and others, think about abuse. Rather than ignoring it, we must address it directly. This way communities will be more aware of it, more inclined to intervene, more inclined to rise above it, and more inclined to spread the word that abuse will not be tolerated in their community. We have to discourage the bystander effect and show kids that it's good to stand up against what is wrong. If we start small with just our families and small towns, the awareness can spread to larger groups and communities. We need to address the fact that abuse does happen in our own backyards, and that we can and should do something to stop it. We have to stop the notion that "abuse would never happen in my town" or "abuse would never happen to someone I know" and recognize that it can happen and we will stand against it. By raising our own self-awareness and spreading it to our families, they will spread this awareness to their communities, and eventually to greater society.
In order to prevent abuse we need social change. Sounds easy enough right? Of course it's not easy, but neither was the Civil Rights Movement. Neither was the 19th Amendment allowing women to vote. But you never saw any of the people say "well, it was a good try" and give up. These powerful activists all showed one thing: justice concurs. It may take a long and frustrating fight, but in the end justice will prevail and the abuse will end. We all must contribute to making things right in our society.
Do your part, and stop the hurt.
Copyright © 2011 Cara Mackler
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