Can't We Prevent This?

Hello All!

Today's post will be about my personal theories on prevention of domestic abuse. I have been trained a little in this subject, but you should know that prevention is one of the hardest subjects to prove. Why? Think about it.. you're trying to prove that something didn't happen. So, clearly there is not as much evidence, or proof, that prevention works. But that should never mean that we stop trying.

I think the most important factor of prevention is education. If people know more about a subject, they are less likely to make ill-informed decisions when they are faced with an issue regarding the subject. For example, if more people are aware of the different types of contraceptives and their functions, they are more likely to use them and less likely to have unwanted pregnancies or STI's. If you want to know more about this, go to http://www.knowmoresaymore.org/know/ and they have tons of articles.

So I'm sure most of you reading this, if you're in my generation, have had health classes about domestic violence. We all have heard the "red flags", types of abuse, and the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. If you haven't, look into it. Because as I've mentioned before HOPEFULLY none of you will be victims, but someone you know may be. So this is why education is important for those who may know victims.

This post will be specifically targeting outsiders, or people who are not victims, and how they can help prevent domestic abuse through education.

For People Who Know/Think They Know Victims of Abuse

- educate yourself on what abuse is and all its forms; understand that it is not only physical sometimes, and that emotional abuse exists and can be just as scarring. once you've educated yourself, educate others! spark a conversation about an article you read, or some really awesome blog you read (hint, hint) to stir up a discussion about domestic abuse; spread the word
- don't assume that certain people can never be victims; as I've mentioned before, domestic abuse does not discriminate...anyone can be a victim
- be realistic; if you see someone is being abused, the victim will 9/10 times deny it or make excuses for their abuser. denial and self-blame are HUGE psychological effects on victims. THIS IS IMPORTANT. victims of abuse can sometimes come up with every excuse in the book that the abuse is their fault...IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT. they sometimes will defend their partner, and blame the abuse on other factors (like, "he was drinking so he hit me" or "I didn't reply to her call right away, so she has a right to yell at me"). don't let them convince you that the abuse was their fault...and try to convince them that it never is
- be. patient. it is statistically proven that victims will leave their partner around 7-11 times before leaving for good. don't lose hope in them if they keep going back to their abuser. no, they are not stupid. no, they are not weak. tell them that.
- support them. if they do choose to stay with their abuser, don't abandon them as a friend. there are so many barriers to leaving an abusive relationship that someone who is not in one may never understand. some barriers are: pressure from family/friends, financial support, fear of the violence, lack of support from friends and family, maybe they have children with their abuser, they have nowhere to live if they leave, security, religion (maybe their religion does not condone divorce), denial that there even is abuse, and especially because they love and care for them. There are many, many other barriers, but love is a very big one. they may try to convince themselves that the abuse is not so bad...maybe the abuse didn't start until a year into their relationship..think about how hard it would be to accept that someone you love is abusing you. this is why you must support them, no matter where they find themselves in the relationship
- offer help; if they are looking to get out of the relationship, help them get expert advice. the breaking-up stage of an abusive relationship is usually the most dangerous time, so get expert advice on how to develop a safety plan. research resource centers and hotlines the victim can call for help
- most importantly, don't ignore it. break the silence. if you choose to pretend that you don't see it happening, you are not doing anything to stop it. this doesn't mean a physical intervention by any means, but instead recognize yourself as an advocate for ending abuse. identify yourself as someone who knows abuse is not acceptable, and spread the word. if just one person holds this mentality, it can become contagious. unfortunately, so can indifference. so rather than ignoring the problem, stand up against it.  

Do your part and stop the hurt.

This is just an introduction to prevention education, so I will post more. This post focused solely on the outsider's perspective, but my next post will focus on the victim's perspective. I hope you found this useful, and as always feel free to comment or question.
Have a wonderful weekend, and everybody stay safe!! :)
Copyright © 2011 Cara Mackler