One thing I find special about DVAPM is how many survivors come forward, proud and strong as ever. They come forward to be the voices for the victims that are silenced either temporarily or permanently. This is the most beautiful gift of awareness; being able to come together as a strong force of power and vigilance to end this hurt that happens to far too many people. So I want to take the time today to applaud those people who stand up and say 'no' to abuse. You are not alone. You are strong. You are the future. Thank you.
Knowing there are other survivors out there is the biggest sense of security. Knowing there are people out there who understand it on a level so deep and personal can make you feel like you're a part of something bigger. Of course I wish no one would have to go through any form of abuse. But, great things can come out of horrible things. And it is the greatest pleasure knowing that there are so many dedicated, loving, understanding, strong survivors out there supporting each other and taking a stand. It connects us all, whether we know each other or not. And it creates a community of caring people. I think our society needs a community of caring people, don't you?
So I want to take the time now to recognize all of those people. Whether they make themselves known or not, they are all doing their part to say "I will do anything I can to make sure this doesn't happen to someone else." That is so powerful and takes so much strength and selflessness. Every survivor has a unique story of their experience and should all be respected and heard. I truly commend the people out there who raise awareness in any way they can; whether it is by wearing purple, sharing a Facebook status, attending an event, or simply reaching out. Every effort counts. Every effort can lead you to someone who needs you. You can be that one person who helps a friend or family member when they feel as though they have no one. You may never understand that amazing difference it will make to reach out to that person.
Remember the statistics: 1 in 4 women is abused in her lifetime. 1 in 3 teens is abused.
Chances are you know someone who has been abused or knows someone else who has. Reach out. Be their voice.
As October comes to an end, please don't feel as though your days are numbered in making a difference. You can make a difference every day. Refer to my past posts for ideas of how to raise awareness. You can do your part and stop the hurt.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month!
Hey Strangers! I have been MIA on here for quite a while, and for that I apologize. I have been way too preoccupied and have put the social networking for Stop The Hurt on high priority instead of the blog itself. However, considering it is that time of month again, I must post!
It is October which means it is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS AND PREVENTION MONTH! This is our time to shine and really take a stand against domestic abuse! This is your chance to do your part and stop the hurt. There are plenty of opportunities for you to do so! For example, if you want to help and don't know how:
- volunteer at a local DV shelter
- donate $ to a local shelter (trust me, they all need it)
- donate old clothes/cell phones/canned goods
- post on your Facebook and Twitter that it is DVAPM to raise awareness
- post facts on your social networking sites about DV
- buy merchandise where the money goes to DV shelters/organizations
These are just a few ideas, but they are all worth a shot! If you are a student or faculty member here at URI, me and the peer advocates are doing so much fun stuff to raise awareness about domestic abuse. On Thursday the 4th, we will be hosting a booth in the union talking about domestic abuse and will be selling purple bracelets for $2. Spread the word! We will be having 3 booths in total this month!
Later on in the month, we will be hosting a Masquerade Ball fundraiser meant to symbolize how anyone can be a victim. We will provide masks and facts about domestic abuse. There will be a DJ and possibly food! The cover charge is TBA, but keep it in mind for Halloween! Costumes welcome (if appropriate!). This is my project so I'm really excited for it! I'll keep you all posted!
Another project I'm working on is the Purple Challenge which asks you to wear as much purple as you can every Wednesday of this month to raise awareness about domestic abuse! Below is a picture of me and some of the URI Peer Advocates wearing purple!
Now that it is DVAPM, I will be posting much more frequently so stay tuned! Send me your pictures of wearing purple, and I will post them here! Do your part and stop the hurt! :)
It is October which means it is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS AND PREVENTION MONTH! This is our time to shine and really take a stand against domestic abuse! This is your chance to do your part and stop the hurt. There are plenty of opportunities for you to do so! For example, if you want to help and don't know how:
- volunteer at a local DV shelter
- donate $ to a local shelter (trust me, they all need it)
- donate old clothes/cell phones/canned goods
- post on your Facebook and Twitter that it is DVAPM to raise awareness
- post facts on your social networking sites about DV
- buy merchandise where the money goes to DV shelters/organizations
These are just a few ideas, but they are all worth a shot! If you are a student or faculty member here at URI, me and the peer advocates are doing so much fun stuff to raise awareness about domestic abuse. On Thursday the 4th, we will be hosting a booth in the union talking about domestic abuse and will be selling purple bracelets for $2. Spread the word! We will be having 3 booths in total this month!
Later on in the month, we will be hosting a Masquerade Ball fundraiser meant to symbolize how anyone can be a victim. We will provide masks and facts about domestic abuse. There will be a DJ and possibly food! The cover charge is TBA, but keep it in mind for Halloween! Costumes welcome (if appropriate!). This is my project so I'm really excited for it! I'll keep you all posted!
Another project I'm working on is the Purple Challenge which asks you to wear as much purple as you can every Wednesday of this month to raise awareness about domestic abuse! Below is a picture of me and some of the URI Peer Advocates wearing purple!
Now that it is DVAPM, I will be posting much more frequently so stay tuned! Send me your pictures of wearing purple, and I will post them here! Do your part and stop the hurt! :)
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Why Do They Stay?
One of the biggest questions posed toward victims of abuse is "Why do they stay?" It's a reasonable question for someone who has been fortunate enough not to be in that situation. Why do they stay? Why don't they just leave if they are being hurt again and again? I could list the hundreds of thousands of different reasons, but it still extremely hard to understand if you haven't been in that position. I have most likely written about this subject already, but this question is so prevalent that I find it relevant to address again.
Every victim of abuse has a unique experience regardless of how similar it may be to others. Therefore, every single victim has their own reasons why they don't, or can't, leave their abusive relationships. There are so many different angles to look at when trying to understand why someone would not leave their abusive relationship including their age, living situation, economic stance, family support, if they have children, danger of being abused worse or killed (very real fear!), low self esteem, they love their abuser, their abuser has threatened them, self blame of the abuse, and more. I'm going to give you a few scenarios since I received positive feedback on past ones.
*All names and stories are completely fictional and are not based on real people, but can be based on real life situations.
- Dan will post embarrassing and cruel things on his accounts
- Dan will isolate him from his friends even more
- Matt has a very low self esteem from Dan, and feels dependent on him
- Dan has threatened to send his boss inappropriate items he has access to from his accounts
- Matt will be shunned from his community for being gay and unaccepted by his family
- Matt fears for his safety, and is concerned about damage Dan may do to his property
Now all of these scenarios are very different from each other, and you have to keep in mind that there are so many other factors coming into play that we cannot see from an outside perspective. These victims are in romantic relationships and a lot of the times feel very close with their abuser, and often love them. Love is complicated enough, and when you throw it into an abusive relationship it gets very messy. The two most important things to take from this post is:
It is so important to be patient with a friend or loved one who is being abused and doesn't want to, or can't safely, leave their abusive relationship. They need all of the support they can get, and when they are ready and it is safe to do so, they can leave. It is our role as friends and family members to be there for them and not judge or give up on their decisions. Ultimately, they know what is best for them. It is not our job to rescue them, but we can offer resources and information on how to safely escape. Contact a local shelter for more information on how they can develop a safety plan. Or if they simply need a counselor to speak to about their experience, that may be all they need. There is always help. No one deserves to be abused, and everyone deserves to feel safe and loved. Do your part and stop the hurt.
Every victim of abuse has a unique experience regardless of how similar it may be to others. Therefore, every single victim has their own reasons why they don't, or can't, leave their abusive relationships. There are so many different angles to look at when trying to understand why someone would not leave their abusive relationship including their age, living situation, economic stance, family support, if they have children, danger of being abused worse or killed (very real fear!), low self esteem, they love their abuser, their abuser has threatened them, self blame of the abuse, and more. I'm going to give you a few scenarios since I received positive feedback on past ones.
*All names and stories are completely fictional and are not based on real people, but can be based on real life situations.
Scenario 1: Amy and Jake have been dating for 6 months. They are both in high school, but Jake is a senior and Amy is a sophomore. Jake makes Amy feel very special, but he is extremely possessive and jealous. He constantly controls her schedule and who she talks to and what she dresses. He's begun to shove her and has even slapped her a few times. But he is the soccer captain and a very good student. His parents are very popular in their town, and everyone loves their family, including Amy's parents who have become close friends with them. Jake has a very good reputation in their town, and everyone tells Amy how lucky she is to be dating him. Jake has a full-ride scholarship to a really great school. When Amy tries to tell her friends how controlling Jake is and that he hits her sometimes, they tell her she'd be crazy to leave him and they didn't believe someone so seemingly perfect could be abusive. Jake tells her he only does what he does because he loves her so much. Amy feels trapped. She knows this relationship isn't healthy, but if she leaves him...
- her friends will stop talking to her because they will think she is crazy
- her family will not understand because Jake seems so wonderful to them
- she's worried about the way it will make Jake look to the town
- if she calls the police about the abuse, he could lose his scholarship
- it will cause tension and problems with the relationship between her parents and Jake's parents
- Jake's parents will look bad in the town because of it
- Jake will tell all of his friends how crazy she is and that no one should date her
- she is scared that if she tries to break up with him, he will beat her worse
- no one will believe her, and she will be further isolated
Scenario 2: Harry and Liz have been married for 3 years and have a child together who is an infant. Harry works full time while Liz is a stay-at-home mom for their baby. Harry owns their property solely, and they have a joint bank account. Harry is extremely violent and physically abuses Liz often. Liz has tried getting a part-time job, but Harry doesn't let her. The beatings have gotten worse, and Liz has gone to a shelter a couple times already with her child. In fear of being killed, she has tried to make a safety plan to escape safely with her baby. However, Liz has no money since Harry controls their bank account and owns their property. Liz also knows if she tried to divorce him, he would get custody of their baby since she does not have a job and has nowhere else to live. Harry has threatened to hurt the baby if she tried to leave him. What would you do? If she tries to leave...
- her baby's life is put in danger
- her own life is put in danger
- she will have nowhere to live
- she will have no money
- Harry will harass her and not leave her alone
- she may lose custody of her child
- divorce is against her religion, and her family may not support it
Scenario 3: Matt and Dan have been dating for 2 years, but Matt has not come out openly to his family yet. Only Matt's friends know he is gay, and he is not ready to tell his parents or brother yet. Dan is very emotionally abusive and constantly insults Matt and puts him down. Dan does not let Matt go out with friends or spend time with his family unless he gives him permission to do so. Dan has access to Matt's Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and phone at all times. He knows all of his passwords and constantly checks his accounts. Dan has never hit Matt, but he has thrown glasses and plates at a wall near him and has threatened to vandalize his car. Dan has a bad temper and Matt is scared he may hit him soon. Matt wants to leave him, but he knows if he does...
- Dan has threatened to tell his parents he's gay- Dan will post embarrassing and cruel things on his accounts
- Dan will isolate him from his friends even more
- Matt has a very low self esteem from Dan, and feels dependent on him
- Dan has threatened to send his boss inappropriate items he has access to from his accounts
- Matt will be shunned from his community for being gay and unaccepted by his family
- Matt fears for his safety, and is concerned about damage Dan may do to his property
Now all of these scenarios are very different from each other, and you have to keep in mind that there are so many other factors coming into play that we cannot see from an outside perspective. These victims are in romantic relationships and a lot of the times feel very close with their abuser, and often love them. Love is complicated enough, and when you throw it into an abusive relationship it gets very messy. The two most important things to take from this post is:
1: Be patient and understanding with your friends and loved ones who are in their abusive relationships!
2: They can get help getting out!
It is so important to be patient with a friend or loved one who is being abused and doesn't want to, or can't safely, leave their abusive relationship. They need all of the support they can get, and when they are ready and it is safe to do so, they can leave. It is our role as friends and family members to be there for them and not judge or give up on their decisions. Ultimately, they know what is best for them. It is not our job to rescue them, but we can offer resources and information on how to safely escape. Contact a local shelter for more information on how they can develop a safety plan. Or if they simply need a counselor to speak to about their experience, that may be all they need. There is always help. No one deserves to be abused, and everyone deserves to feel safe and loved. Do your part and stop the hurt.
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