It's Time To Talk Day #7

BLOGGERS! Oh how I've missed you so much! Since I got back to school about two weeks ago my internet has been down at my house!! It upset me beyond words that I couldn't get back on here to get closer to finishing ITTTD (It's Time To Talk Day) posts, which are way overdue. But tonight I am on campus, so I am able to access internet and I am now going to share with you my seventh interview with three amazing people. Yes, I interviewed three people at the same time so it may be a little scattered at points, but all of their input is extremely valuable nonetheless! Here goes:

For my seventh interview, I was fortunate enough to speak with three important members of Start Strong Bronx: Alexandra Smith, Marc Simmons, and Evelyn Alvarez. Start Strong Bronx (and their other branches) is a non-profit organization that aims to educate 11-14 year olds about healthy relationships in order to ultimately prevent teen dating violence. They do in-school curriculums, policy work, workshops, work with social media, and much more. I have to say I LOVE this; I can't stress enough how important it is to start educating at younger ages, because relationships begin forming faster than we even realize. Start Strong has many other branches around the country including the state I'm in right now- Rhode Island! You can learn more about who they are and what they do here. And I highly encourage you to do so; their work is incredible.

So I started off the interview with Marc after he introduced himself briefly and explained the work that he does. Start Strong has a program called the Teen Advisory Board where older kids, age 15-18, provide resources and advice in a mentor-type manner to the 11-14 year olds. They implement workshops on teen dating violence which describe what an unhealthy relationship looks like. They then discuss what a healthy relationship looks like in contrast, and how to aim for a healthy relationship and avoid an unhealthy one. As I mentioned before, I love that they start the education at these young ages, and I wanted to clarify its significance with Marc. He explained to me that even at these young ages in middle school kids may not be romantically involved yet, but they are forming relationships with friends, family, and even teachers or coaches; "[at these ages are] when they start thinking about it, [it's] when they start seeing, and [it's] when they start asking questions,” The kids can still gain a lot from these platonic relationships, and it's important to learn about unhealthy relationships then before they enter the romantic world. Marc further explained that kids notice things quickly; they see what is happening all around them and are especially keen to what's going on in their close friends' or families' lives. If their older brother or sister, for example, is starting to date, they are going to notice what goes on in their relationship. So, this is the perfect time to intervene and educate them about what they should be looking for in their own future relationships.

I asked Marc what he thought about regarding shared responsibility of educating these kids between the school administrators, the youth leaders, parents, etc. Marc stressed that parents are key to education; most of what kids begin to learn first comes from home. The first relationships they see are in their own homes with their parents. If their parents are portraying an unhealthy, or violent relationship, then the child may not know or expect any different in their own life. This is why Start Strong urges parents to talk to their kids about relationships, even if the conversation starts out just by talking about healthy friendships. Starting the conversation early allows for the child to reflect and reach out if they have a problem. The Teen Advisory Board allows for a greater connection to the children as well since the age gap is a lot smaller. The youth leaders can act as role models, or even hold an older sibling type of role. This connection is great for the children because the youth leaders provide resources to them that are easily accessible. The youth leaders can guide these kids toward healthier relationships, and help if they find themselves in an unhealthy one.

Next I spoke with Evelyn about her social media work. I found this extremely interesting because it really puts these professionals in the social internet world, getting information directly from the kids. There is no better place to get information about the kids than from the kids themselves. First, however, let me briefly explain what Evelyn and her work does. The education starts in the classrooms; they teach curriculums in middle schools and high schools about what components make up a healthy relationship. Evelyn explains that they have access to the kids from 9:00am to 3:00pm, but she stresses that a lot of the important things that go on in their lives goes on after those hours. So, that's where the social media comes in; "we approach them where they are: Facebook, Twitter, texting," etc. Evelyn explains they get the inside scoop by becoming Facebook friends, or Twitter followers and keeping an eye on what's going on. They make the kids aware of what they're saying online and how they are presenting themselves. This access makes it very easy to start conversations about relationships and dating abuse: by addressing the kids where they are. This is important to understand because as much as we hope we see everything that goes on whether it is at home or at school, we have to acknowledge that most of the interactions between kids nowadays is not in person. A lot of the abuse that goes on nowadays is through technology. We have to update our own education about technology and digital abuse, so that we can better protect and inform the kids who it is directly affecting.

Lastly but not least, I spoke with Alexandra who is the Project Coordinator of Start Strong Bronx. Alexandra really wanted to speak about parents' roles in their children's lives. She wanted to explain how  important it is to talk to your kids about dating abuse; "don't be a kid's friend, be a parent," she says. Alexandra explains how kids will disengage from their parents when they are home; this could happen because they become so immersed in their technology, or simply because they don't feel comfortable or excited to share their personal feelings with their parents. Some kids are open with their parents and that's a wonderful thing, but just because they are open does not mean it excuses the dating abuse conversation from happening. Regardless of your relationship with your kids, it is always appropriate to educate them or simply talk to them about dating abuse. As you know, victims of abuse are not stereotyped; it can happen to anyone, so don't ignore it because you think it will never happen to your child. No one wants to accept that bad things can happen to our loved ones, but we must understand that in order to aid or protect them we must address the issues as if they are vulnerable to them.

Alexandra provided some tips for parents on how to start these sometimes awkward conversations about healthy relationships. She suggests you ask them about other people, not themselves necessarily. Ask them about what celebrities they like and why. What qualities do they like about that celebrity? Do they look for these same qualities in friends and dating partners? Ask questions that let the child figure it out for themselves; pose questions such as, "Well do you think Chris Brown is safe to be around?" or "Do you think Chris Brown respects others?" and allow for the child to think about those qualities. It's okay if they like his music, but they should recognize that as a person maybe he's not so nice. Try to describe the characteristics they should be looking for in another: trust, honesty, support, positive and healthy communication, safety, etc. Children are smart and they will pick up on things quickly. Don't underestimate their judgment. However, children will also model what they see in their own lives as we've mentioned before. So, be a good model for them. Alexandra says, "your kids are watching. Be the person you want your kids to be," 

I ended the interview with any last comments that Alexandra, Evelyn, and Marc wanted to close with. They all agreed we were there for a reason: love is not abuse. They said you cannot love someone if you are abusing them. If you're a bystander or a friend of a victim, don't be judgmental and remember there are agencies that are there to help! Remember that everyone deserves the right to be loved, honored, supported, and safe.

Thank you to Alexandra, Evelyn, Marc, and Start Strong Bronx for their wonderful input on this very important issue. This post is a perfect way to kick off Teen Dating Abuse Awareness Month! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. I promise I will try to post more as soon as I have access to good internet. I have some great posts in store for all of you! Thank you so much for your support and compassion! Together I know we can do our part to stop the hurt!