Today I will be talking about men as victims. I've mentioned before that domestic abuse does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone, unfortunately. Typically the victims are women, so please keep that in mind. However, men can be victims as well. The Love Is Not Abuse twitter account actually posted an interesting read today on how women can be violent. Here is their tweet:
Love_IsNotAbuse: "Remember that men & women can be victims of
The crime of domestic violence where men are the victims is severely unreported. This is due to many factors, same as for women who don't report, but either way there is not much literature on male victims. It does occur less often than females, but there are emotional issues with identifying oneself as a victim. There are so many negative stereotypes for men that they feel like they must live up to that may cause them not to acknowledge abuse or report it. Some stereotypes are that men are not supposed to cry, men are stronger than women (biologically this can be the case, but it makes men feel like they cannot ever be vulnerable), men are the dominant figure in relationships/marriages, men are tough, men are not supposed to show emotions, and more. Men are unlikely to report domestic violence because they feel as though they are not being masculine. They feel as though by admitting they were abused, that they are weak. It may even hurt their ego to admit they were abused and they refuse to accept it. All of these unjust and untrue stereotypes cause men to feel they have certain standards they must uphold due to their gender. These stereotypes make it very difficult for men to admit that they are victims because that would mean they are "weak" or "emotional" or "inferior" when their stereotypes tell them differently. A man may feel embarrassed that a woman could take advantage of them, or even ashamed that they were not "man enough".
Women can be violent physically, but their abuse can translate emotionally as well. Since women can be physically/biologically weaker than their male partners, they may use emotional tactics to exert authority in the relationship. Women can use their emotional power to control their partner. Also, if a woman is in a powerful position of employment, she may use this against her partner as well. For example, say the male victim is unemployed and the female offender is a police officer; she could use this power in her relationship in many ways. She could threaten her partner with her gun or threaten her partner not to report the crime because of her position. Other ways women can emotionally abuse their male partner are by withholding/asserting sex, financially, insults/lies/manipulation, threats, guilt, etc. By withholding sex, the woman is showing how she controls their sex life. She could use sex as leverage (this can happen the other way around, too) or as a weapon. On the other hand, she could force her male partner to have sex (this is rape, sexual assault- yes, women can rape men). Males may have trouble accepting that they are sexually assaulted, especially if it is their romantic partner. This is due to stereotypes as well; men are expected to always want sex. However, men should know that they can get help if they are sexually assaulted. Did you know that 1 in 6 men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime? Men can be victims and they should be treated no differently than any other victim. They deserve support and help, too. Threats are other ways women can control their partner; the woman could say "I will hurt myself if you leave me" or even worse like threats of suicide. I have personally seen this happen with a couple in high school and the male was completely scared and confused. He felt trapped, and that is how the partner maintains their control in the relationship.
Here is another website that may help: http://menshealth.about.com/od/relationships/a/Battered_Men.htm
As you can see, I am speaking mainly about heterosexual relationships, but males can be victims in homosexual relationships as well. Actually, there are hardly any differences between heterosexual or homosexual relationships and statistically domestic violence occurs at the same rate. So, 1 in 4 homosexual partners are victims of domestic violence as well. I apologize if I talk mainly about heterosexual relationships, but I will try to add information about homosexual relationships as well. If you would like more information on homosexual relationships and domestic violence, go to http://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com/ and they can provide more resources. If you do go to this website, you will see the same information about domestic violence as in heterosexual domestic violence. Domestic violence is domestic violence, whoever the victim.
If a male friend of yours comes to you and says they have been abused, it was probably one of the hardest things they have had to do in their life. This is why it is extremely important to support them. Tell them that it is okay to talk about it if they want to, and that they can get help. Just as for any victim, it is never their fault. No one deserves to be abused in any way.
In all the signs I discuss, remember that they can pertain to almost any abusive relationship. So don't rule out physical abuse for women offenders, for example. Also, don't rule out threats for male offenders. Any of these signs can be seen in an abusive relationship. Remember, too, that healthy couples do fight. No relationship is perfect, but there is a clear line between healthy productive arguments and abuse. If you're unsure, go to any abuse organization's website and look for obvious signs. Or ask me! I would love to answer any of your questions. It is always better to ask than sit idly by. It is always better to take action against abuse. Do your part and stop the hurt.
Copyright © 2011 Cara Mackler
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