SPEAK UP!

I have a problem with the language we use in society pertaining to violence against women, and I'm going to do what everyone should do about it: SPEAK UP.

For some, this may look like an angry feminist complaint with an 'oh-shut-up-already' attitude mulling in your head. If you're thinking that while you're reading this, then I insist that you of all people read further. This is not a lecture for individuals, this is a lecture for society. So in essence I'm also lecturing myself.

So why the rant? Because enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of hearing rape jokes, wife-beater jokes, anti-feminist jokes, a-woman-belongs-in-the-kitchen jokes, and hateful jokes. Trust me, I DO have a great sense of humor and (ask anyone who knows me) I laugh all the time. I laugh at well-constructed jokes and animals doing silly things. I laugh at Vine video compilations and funny movies like Anchorman. But I REFUSE to laugh at jokes that belittle, demean, and otherwise dehumanize women. I would hope that we all know by now that women are capable enough to do a lot more than make a sandwich for their husband. It is time we say ENOUGH. NO MORE.

I could easily say, as a feminist, that this is a man's problem and men are responsible for these jokes and they say them because they feel intimidated by the growing success of women today. But I'd be wrong. This is not just a man's problem. This is my problem, and your problem.

 This is everyone's problem. 

None of us are immune to it and it's time we speak up instead of staying silent out of politeness. It is unfortunate enough that educated adults use language that perpetuates violence against women (sometimes without even realizing they are doing so), but now it's in the language of our youth.

"frape" = Facebook raped (as in, someone went on someone else's profile without them knowing and wrote things on their profile)
#rapeface = a tag that CHILDREN were using to describe someone's face as creepy or "rape-y"

These are just a couple specific terms, but I hear rape jokes, domestic violence jokes, and 50's women jokes all the time. These jokes and terms are not acceptable. They are not appropriate. They are not funny. They are despicable. And I'm saying something about it.

If you are someone who's read my blog before, you've seen my "What's So Funny?" post from months ago. I wrote about a rape joke I overheard and scolded the strangers as I drove away. That's one example of speaking up, but it's not enough. I know that most people (especially the ones reading this post) do not want violence against women to continue. I'm sure that some of you reading this actually do a lot to speak up already and work to end this violence. So it is our job to educate those making these jokes and using these terms. That does not require yelling or scolding, but rather simple education. This is especially important when it comes to youth. In one of the articles I read about #rapeface, the mother writing the article was appalled that her 12 year old son would use such a term when he lives in such a strong feminist household. He told her he didn't mean anything by it. This may be entirely true, which is exactly why education is so important here. We cannot let this language become so normal and innocent that children do not even understand the gravity of their meanings. I'm not suggesting we give children explicit details about rape or domestic violence, but there needs to be some understanding that these are serious issues that should not be joked about. The same goes for educating the adults who use similar language. Some people will not care if you try to tell them why a rape joke isn't funny. Some people will roll their eyes and tell you to get a sense of humor. But some people will listen...

Part of the reason this violence still persists is because of the type of culture it thrives in. If we live in a culture that encourages language so nonchalant about violence against women that it becomes engrained and normalized, we are then supporting a culture that encourages violence. So enough is enough.

Do your part and stop the hurt.

Big Cases

Hi everyone! It has been QUITE a while since I blogged, and I miss it! I am currently studying in Australia until November, so I have been busy as ever and loving it! Considering the recent death of Ariel Castro, I've been thinking a lot about the cases that have been in the news lately, and most importantly the reactions from people around the country. I think it's time I devote a post to some really big cases in the media and how the public views them. I'm going to break this post up into a few different ones because there are a lot of issues I want to cover. So at the end, you'll see a "to be continued..." for that reason!

So, the first few recent cases that come to mind are: Jerry Sandusky, Chris Brown, Jodi Arias, Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond, and the most recent and appalling Ariel Castro. All of these cases are very different, but each have powerful and horrifying stories. In each case, we see the way the public responds to both the victims and perpetrators through social media. I must admit I have a love/hate relationship with social media, and at times I wish we could just turn it all off for a while. After seeing what some people say in response to these sensitive cases, I feel the most hate for social media. But it is not the media's fault; we are growing into a society where voicing our opinions on the internet and social networking sites is second-nature (almost first) and this can be both beneficial and hindering depending on the matter.

The problems with social media pertaining to big cases including celebrities or teens that are very "relatable" is that they can cause ignorant, defensive, or insensitive comments in response. This can be due to the fact that people have no one censoring their comments, and feel there is no consequence for their words.In the case of Chris Brown abusing Rihanna, there were many comments about both how Rihanna was to blame. The reactions to this case, and every case, will depend on the audience. The younger audience seemed to either make jokes, or defend Chris Brown. There were a few fans of Chris Brown's that had said (paraphrasing) 'I would let him hit me any day because he is so hot.' The older audience seemed to be concerned with Rihanna's fans; since Rihanna has gotten back together with Chris Brown since the incident, mothers were concerned with how Rihanna's choices affected their own teens, and that since Rihanna is a celebrity, she should be more conscious of how her decisions (to go back to him) affected her younger fans who looked up to her. I can see where the parents were coming from because teens and adolescents do look up to celebrities and usually reflect and model after the behaviors they see. However, the problem with this attitude is victim-blaming.

People who are not well-educated in dating abuse, or who have not experienced it themselves, may have a harder time understanding why victims go back to their abusers. I can completely understand why it would be frustrating for someone to see a victim go back to someone who is hurting them, and even people who are educated or who have been through it themselves still get frustrated with it. However, we live in a harshly victim-blaming society, and it is our job to counteract it. Instead of asking why Rihanna is going back to Chris Brown, we should be asking why Chris Brown is hurting someone who he is supposed to care about. We focus so much negative attention on the victim that we lose focus on the real problems. I'm not saying it is our job to hate Chris Brown or focus all of our negative attention on him, but we need to refocus our attention on the issue of violence against women and why it persists. One of those reasons is victim-blaming.

Another case that involved victim-blaming was the recent Ohio case with the two boys from Steubenville who digitally raped a 16-year-old girl. Again, the responses to this case varied in different age groups. Among some very encouraging and supportive responses, there were some sadly ignorant ones. There were a few aspects of this particular case I want to discuss: the victim was 16 and intoxicated at the time of the assault, and the perpetrators were "promising athletes". Most of the negative or victim-blaming comments I saw were about how the victim was drinking when the assault occurred. A large portion of sexual assaults involve alcohol, but this is not to say that alcohol causes any assault. Alcohol creates vulnerability for the victim, and/or control for the assailant. As we should all drink responsibly, we are human and make mistakes like occasionally drinking a bit too much than we can handle, or drinking underage. So we can hold the young girl accountable for drinking underage, but we cannot hold her accountable for being assaulted while under the influence. Drinking is not the issue here; the assault (including taking photos of it) is the problem. We have to stop blaming the victim for the assault, plain and simply; the only reason rape or sexual assault occurs is because the rapist chose to make it happen. The second issue I had with this case was the focus on the perpetrators as "promising athletes"; the wording alone in the various article headings created an illusion of sympathy for the perpetrators instead of the victim. The issue in big cases in the media including celebrities is that it provides the public with a sense of legitimacy or respect which negates the crime. It also shifts the focus in the courts and in the media from sympathy for the victim to making the boys out to be victims of their own crime.

To be continued...

Make it Viral!

Sexual Assault Awareness Month may be over, but our voices will continue to be heard! We have to make a conscious and loud effort to say NO MORE abuse.

As you may already know, Stop the Hurt has a facebook page (click here!). I am working hard to get as many 'like's as possible, but did not yet reach my goal of 300. Sometimes just the click of a button can make a difference.

Right now, at the Women's Center where I work on campus, we are interviewing new advocates for the fall. I won't be here because I'll be studying abroad in Australia but I want to get to know the new advocates since I will be back in the spring alongside our newest intern. In our interviews, most of the new advocates are excited to help by providing advocacy to victims. We give our speeches about how advocacy will always be supervised and they will never do it alone, but we also talk about how they may not give advocacy at all in a semester. It's possible that they just won't be around when a client comes in, and usually the bigger cases are taken over by our supervisor and more experienced peer advocates. I worked with just 3 clients this semester, but we saw over 30.

The reason I'm telling you this is because it doesn't take providing direct advocacy to make a difference. Most new advocates are ready to put on their superhero cape and save the world. But it's important and necessary that they all understand that everything they do as advocates is making a difference. This goes for anyone out there wanting to do something. Even just handing out a flyer, hosting a booth, spreading the word about our program, or 'liking' a page on Facebook is making a difference.

We can all be leaders in the change we wish to see happening.

We can all be a part of ending this abuse. Ever notice how all of the superheroes wear masks? You don't need to be flying around showing the world what you're doing. You can make a HUGE difference even from the comfort of your home.

So, be inspired. Do something. Like a page (mine, for instance!), make a flyer, post a status, share facts, host a booth, watch a documentary, follow organizations like NO MORE and Love Is Not Abuse and Break the Cycle  Everything you do can and will make a difference.

Do your part and stop the hurt.